When I was cool.

Although 23 isn’t an age to complain about being old, there is a part of my youth that’s dying very quickly. I have come to a point where I’ve acknowledged that losing brain cells due to substance abuse is a bad thing. Truth be told, I didn’t really have that many brain cells to begin with (previous blog post I mentioned I’m an Asian kid who failed Math), but that still didn’t stop me from getting completely fucked up throughout my teens. But nowadays I’ve become the person that my teenage self would be ashamed of.

The late 90s and early 2000s, the era of post 56k/b and pre-affordable ADSL internet. It was a time when people actually rented VHS tapes from their local video store for $6.50 per movie to watch overnight and JB HI-FI actually sold only hi-fi systems. It was era that paved my way into destroying my brain cells. The original American Pie movie had just been released on VHS tape and I had just watched it for the first (of many) time. Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) is still tattooed into my memory to this day. But that’s where it all started, the fascination with American youth lifestyle was just too fucking good to say no to.

But although most of those American teen movies are set in high school, I reminisce mostly about my university days. It was during that time I believe I’d reached my peak, the peak of trashiness. Personally I’m not much of a drinker or a pill popper. It’s not because I don’t alcohol and MDMA, I just like weed more. Maybe it’s the obsessive laughter you get from it or the crazy things that tend to happen to me when I’m stoned, but weed is the preferred choice.

There wasn’t a care in the world back then. Blowing nearly all our pay every week onto drinks and weed. The “Weed Story” Chronicles started and we thought we were fucking invincible. Smoking inside the university’s Law building after hours and accidentally leaving the weed there only to have security escort us back into the building because we forgot our “cigarettes”, driving around the suburbs with an ounce of weed covering the speedometer because from the wise words of my mate Swish “Fuck the speedo, I don’t need to know how fast I’m going I got an ounce motherfucker!”, eating an entire McDonald’s family meal by myself because the munchies kicked in, these are just a few of the countless weed stories of the university days (saving the other stories for on my friends’ wedding days). It didn’t matter what we had on the next day or in the next few hours, we’ll still blaze up like it’s Friday and we ain’t got shit to do.

However, it occurred to me on two separate occasions that I’m becoming less like my old self very day and so is everyone around me (well, mostly everyone). The first occurrence happened when I found some 2-years-old “back-up” weed while I was rearranging my room. Finding weed accidentally is better than winning the Lotto. So as excited as ever, I called up my mate:

“Dude. Tonight. 9.30. Just found some old green.”

“Serious? Fucking awesome! But I can’t do it tonight, got morning shift tomorrow. 6.30 start. I’ll call ya tomorrow night. And don’t smoke that shit by yourself you greedy bastard. It’s probably my shit you’re smoking.”

“HAHAHA. Yeah alright I’ll wait for you. But I can’t do tomorrow night, I might be working late and most likely for the rest of the week.”

“Alright, well if there’s nothing on Friday we’ll do it then.”

“Sweet!”

We didn’t smoke the weed till 3 months later.

The second occurrence was bumping into an old high school friend asking if I still smoked up. I answered honestly saying I haven’t touched it for a good six months because of work and there are so many bills to pay so I’m broke and can’t afford it. Although he did say this in the most sarcastic way possible, it still rammed home my reality, “Dude, you use to be cool”.

As a child I saw Peter Pan as an idol, never having to grow up and play all day every day and fight with pirates. I tried to hold onto that ideal for as long as possible, even during university I still had that ideal. But unknowingly that ideal seems to have been tragically eaten away by society’s demand for responsibility, consumerism and hunger for money. Drinking and drugs are rarely done and when it does occur it takes weeks to recover from. It is here I sadly announce that I have shamefully become a disappointment to my younger self. I am no longer cool.